Strategies for Self-Forgiveness


You may at times do something that challenges your own self-perception. And it can be hard to reconcile with yourself when you do something that negatively affects you or others. Here are some tips for how to internally practice self-forgiveness:

  • Think back. Think back to a time in your life when you felt safe and cared about someone. Remember who that is — it could be a friend, relative, teacher, mentor, spiritual figure, or a pet. Visualize the feeling of being around them and being protected. Let yourself feel safe. Then, together with your protector, list all of your positive qualities.

  • Remember the event. Next, acknowledge the facts surrounding what you need to forgive yourself for. Remember back to the specific event and how it made you feel. Notice what is hard to face. Make a list of what happened and sort it all into three different categories: moral faults, unskillfulness, and everything else. Moral faults call for guilt or remorse, and unskillfulness requires correction like committing to never doing a certain act again.

  • Don’t avoid guilt. Not feeling great about doing something bad is healthy and natural. If we wipe away the bad feelings of doing bad, what are we left with? However, there is a difference between shame and guilt. Shame comes with defensive feelings like denial, avoidance, and violence. It is not helpful to tell yourself that you are a bad person at your core and feel guilty. By doing so, you may not think that you can change. Feeling guilt over your actions, however, can help you not repeat them.

  • Take responsibility. You cannot forgive yourself if you don’t own up to what you did both to yourself and to the person you have wronged. Let them know that you take accountability for what you did and let yourself know this too. Learn to fully accept that you did whatever you did.

  • Try to repair the damage. It may be hard for you to truly forgive yourself if you feel you haven’t done what you need to do to make amends. Perhaps this means offering financial aid, repairing the property, or simply saying sorry to someone.

  • Have empathy for more than yourself. It has been found that people have trouble with self-forgiveness when they also have empathy with the other party involved. It’s normal for people to struggle with this tension. However, without having empathy for both yourself and the other person, this self-forgiveness can be empty and not mean much.



Check out our new Youtube Channel, The Mtui Family: Life in a Tanzanian Village

Many have asked for me to start sharing the story of how my husband and I met, how we got married, and what life is like for me here in Tanzania, as an American Citizen with a disability, what it’s like to be newlyweds building our new business Winrica Adventures, in a foreign country and of course adjusting to the culture, so we decided to start a YouTube channel!

Our first 4 episodes are up! Please stay tuned for Episode 1! (Explained Below)

•Episode 1 (intro): NOT YET PUBLISHED. Due to the documentary, Meandering Scars by BirdMine, coming out in early 2024, it is REALLY important to not give away any spoilers.. but the intro will be all about how we met and decided to start this crazy journey together. #StayTuned

• Episode 2: This episode, is about my first trip back to Tanzania by myself and what exactly our home looks like in the village.

• Episode 3: This episode is all about my first week here, without a wheelchair, and when we decided to get married as well as some special clips from our most perfect day!

Episode 4: Challenges, Misconceptions & Figuring it Out is now live!

YouTube @MtuiFamily or Click Youtube icon below :)

Please “like” “share” and “subscribe” we will be sharing our life here on this channel including all of the challenges and triumphs with humor and grace

Also, leave us comments and questions of anything you would like to know about our life here in the village. We would love to answer your questions in our upcoming episodes!

ABC10 in Sacremento Shared Our Story!

I am so excited to share this short piece from ABC10 in Sacramento, about our Mt. Kilimanjaro climb with ZARA Tanzania Adventures and the documentary film I have been filming for the last couple of years, “Meandering Scars”, from BirdMine.

Thank you to Becca Habegger for helping to share our story! I am so thankful you were able to be a part of my journey!

#ABC10 #MtKilimanjaro #Tanzania #erikabogan #adaptiveathlete #suicideawareness #breakthestigma #suicideprevention #mentalhealthmatters #yourlifematters #beccahabegger #birdmine #meanderingscars

Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro: An adaptive athlete shares their story | To The Point

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Lessons from the Mountain Part 2: Believe That Life Can Be Joyful Again

One of the hardest battles I personally have dealt with after experiencing trauma, is encountering despair and hopelessness. Those feelings were what used to fuel the thoughts of suicide.

I have learned through my healing journey that it is actually wise to sit with those emotions. It is what makes us human. The anger and sadness that those emotions cause will help to fuel your sense of purpose, if you keep showing up and allow them to.

You were made for a purpose, and that purpose is not destroyed by what happens to you, no matter how tragic. Instead, your purpose is reshaped by your circumstances and how you respond to them. Some new form of passion will emerge.

Eventually, glimmers of hope and trust and happiness will float into your heart. Recognize them when that happens. Welcome them. Make room for them. And most importantly give GRATITUDE for them.

There is a reason that every culture tells the story of transformation. For many, that truth is captured in the ancient story of a phoenix being reborn from the ashes of destruction. Believe life can be joyful again and RISE UP!

The pictures and video attached to this show that even in some of the most uncomfortable conditions, I was still finding more moments of joy, purpose and gratitude, than not. I was driven by purpose and that purpose was my fuel. You can too.

**make sure you have sound on with the video! You will feel the joy!**

#yourlifematters #meanderingscars #ErikaBogan #lessonslearnedonthemountain #mentalhealthwellness #healingjourney #suicideprevention #findingpurpose #mtkilimanjaro #tanzania #africa

Lessons From the Mountain Part 1: Keep Showing Up

My reason for climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro in Tanzania, was not about making it to the top, even though we did. One of the biggest reasons I did it was for conscious reflection of my life & the battles I have fought, in order to heal & leave behind the pain (physical & emotional) that I have been carrying.

One of those battles was the suicidal ideation I had lived with and accepted for so long. I can not count how many times I not only planned my own death, but fantasized about how good it would feel to not feel anything anymore. Ultimately, “I don’t want to die. I just want the pain to end” was my thought process every time and I just would keep showing up in life, while suffering in secret.

On the second eve of our Mt. Kilimanjaro climb, we were all gathering on the dining hut porch to try and get a wifi signal before dinner. Mark walked over to me and said, “Come here, I want to show you something.” He picked me up and carried me to the other side of the A-frame huts that made up our camp, and sat down where I had an unobstructed view of the sun setting from the #RoofTopOfAfrica.

It was MAGICAL! I had never seen something so beautiful. I was quickly overcome with emotion. As the tears started rolling down my cheeks, Mark asked, “Why are you crying?” After gathering myself a bit and finding words to explain, I said, “I am just glad that I am still here. I am glad I am alive to see this. I kept showing up and I am grateful I did.”

In that moment of indescribable beauty and peace I was alive and consciously promised myself to never go backwards, no matter how hard life gets, always hold on and just keep showing up. I realized all of the moments throughout my lifetime that I would have missed, had I taken my life.

Statistically, per the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, “For every person who dies by suicide each year, another 280 people think about suicide but do not kill themselves. (#suicidalideation) Each year, 44,965 Americans die by suicide.”

If you are one of these people, you are not alone. Keep showing up. Most importantly, know that #yourlifematters. We never know what tomorrow holds, and you can only find out if you show up. I am the living proof.

#breakthestigma #suicideprevention #erikabogan #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #youarenotalone #JustHoldOn #keepshowingup #meanderingscars #lessonslearnedonthemountain